Well, that’s a difficult question for me to answer.
It’s a very personal feeling. But deep inside, the very brutal thing that I have come to realise is that no one cares about what you feel, or in my case, what I feel. I have always tried to console myself in every hard situation I have faced, that I’ll be okay, in fact I have to be as there’s nothing else that can possibly help me. I started living in my own imaginative world. A place where only I exist.
I have listened to all kinds of promises in my life and I’m pretty sure that out of those hundreds only one was honestly made. After that I kinda have been trying to live in this new world where people keep telling things that they don’t really feel, proud lies, promises that they never vow to fulfill, fake emotions, and I’m mentally tired of this. I wanna believe in that one person at least, who would make me come out of my imaginative world and bring me back to being me.
Cause righth now, I have reached that very point of letting everything go. Of finally realizing that no matter what, people will hurt me and finally break me apart. I wish I could fight longer and stay put, but I don’t want to anymore. Somewhere it feels good to release, to let out and just breathe. To wait for that person who will might just fix me.
Being emotional isn’t a bad thing, and it’s something I can’t change in me.
Now, I want things to be true. To be raw, hard, brutal but the very truth. Harsh but honest. Something that makes me feel happy again, that makes me live everyday with a big half-moon smile on my face. Everything good in life comes the hard way and we know it.
I wanna express everything I feel, without any hesitation, embarrassment, or overthinking. I just wanna be able to do things again, without fearing judgement but realising that I can say cause that very person wants me to !
Breathing again. Hoping for that someday. :”)